"Sorry Sailors He's left Port For Good!"

Dale Winton has been locked in his bedroom since Saturday, Boy George has had a gimp mask on since he heard the news to hide his tears, and as for 'The Village People' its black armbands all round!

For those who did not already know last Saturday was a great for us as we conquered seltic 5-0, but it will go down in history for something more shocking..... Rob 'The Retard' Sterry asked his long suffering girlfriend Martel to marry him in Paris!

Yes I know you're thinking the two exact things I did... 1) She's too good for him! and 2) Now we know who put the gay in Paris!!!!!

That a side all at Pot Black would like to wish them a life time of happiness (apart from Steve and Ross who think you're a quitter, Rob!) and separately congratulate Rob for punching well above his weight and Martel for confirming her role as a care worker in a full time capacity.

So Rob whens the big day?

Viva L'Orange.

This Saturday Night, Don't Miss Out!!!

(click on poster to enlarge)

Revenge is sweet!!!

Lowestoft & District Div 1 13-03-10

Corton White Horse Seltic- 0

Pot Black F.C- 5

Match Overview- After a solid performance the week before, the visitors were keen to make amens for there last meeting against Seltic, a match in which as manager Danny McKinley said "...We were not beaten by them, we gave it to them!" after letting a 3-1 victory slip to lose 6-3.

The side was all change as usual with Bird, Rose, Collins and Laws returning, but the arrogance and over confidence displayed by some of the village idiots on the side line was not matched by that of their players, who soon saw themselves 1-0 after Gav Hunt brilliantly placed his shot inside the post after a defensive gaff.

At this point Seltic were still in with a shot but for their dreadful finishing, but a second before the break P.B soon muffled the supporters constant whinging, as Simon Durrant latched onto a great ball cut back from the byline by Scott Harvey.

In the second half the home side rallied but Scott Harvey killed off any reply as he smashed the ball home to complete an excellent move.

Seltics men held the white flag high as Pot Black charged forward, with Simon Durrant making it 4 as he rounded the keeper for his brace.

The route was soon completed as Scott Harvey popped up once again to make two for the day, but he soon nearly bagged his hat trick moments later if not for a brave save by the seltic keeper.

In truth, had the finishing on both sides been better the score would have been 12-5 but on the day the best side won, and revenge is sweet!!!

Goals- Gav Hunt, Scott Harvey x2, and Simon Durrant x2.

G.H.Windows & Doors- Max Wall, the unsung hero of the match who was immense all over the pitch, was given a close run by all the goal scorers who worked hard all match.

Pot Black Boyd by last gasp winner!

Lowestoft & District Div 1 06-03-10

Beccles Caxton Res- 0

Pot Black FC- 1

Match Overview- With L'Orange shockingly having called of their previous match away at Barsham, oddly enough this week Pot Black found themselves on Beef Meadow facing a strong looking Caxton side with the Beccles sides first team having a week off with 'Hearts of Oak' summer target Kevin Riches starring.

The visitors were thin in numbers once again but in the absence of Adam Bird and Darren Laws a situation which would normally be a nightmare, Pot Black were blessed with the presence of Ian Wilson and Stu Canham.

The visitors on the day had turned out what has to be their oldest side with the average age of over 30, for the first time in a while looked reassured at the back and more importantly looked to be enjoying themselves before, during and after the game.

In truth the match was a midfield squabble with Kev Sherwood not being forced into a save all day, but the Caxton indecisiveness in front of goal was matched by Pot Blacks with Gav Hunt, Simon Durrant and Ian Wilson all going close.

Although in the dying moments Max Wall picked the ball up in his own half riding two fouls on his way to goal, before finally being brought down on the third attempt in the box.

Darren Boyd keen to make it 3 goals in 3 games, stepped up to the spot to fire home and snatching all 3 points for his side.

Goals- Darren boyd (pen)

G.H.Windows & Doors M.O.M- Stu Canham, a rock at the back and never put a foot wrong.

Time to stand up and be counted!!!

Last week for me was somewhat devastating, not because I was a having to deal with back to back defeats against sides who a year ago we would of dispatched with there tails between their legs, but because on Friday I had the shocking realisation I was struggling to put together a side for the following afternoon.

Despite our massive squad I was faced with a combination of injuries, sickness, holidays, non explanations for unavailability, and in several cases no reply at all.

Despite my best efforts for the first time in what must be nearly 5 years we were beaten and gave the 3 points to the opponents on the Barsham without kicking a ball.

I know our Captain Boydie was gutted as he was keen to play with 7 men (including Max Wall who had Flu), while Rob was so enraged he spent the afternoon Buddhist chanting.

I Know I'm making light of it, but its really because I'm so disheartened. Lets face it, we know that we over performed last year but when you thing about it, what made it such a great year was the camaraderie and everyone getting involved having fun, being committed and attending!

Nights out were being requested by players! summer days out were a big occasion, as for the Holiday with 22 people attending, it speaks for itself.

Yet where are we now? The last night out we practically had to force people through the door, with players say "I'm not going cos 'so & so' isn't going!" But as I explained because every ones saying the same is why we have a problem. As for the Holiday Rob's only had 4 replies, people haven't even bothered to say they can make it, despite how much everyone has previously said they've been fantastic!

Laziness? Selfishness? Cowardliness?

I don't know what your reasons are for lack of commitment? But when you're bottling a match or missing a social event you're letting your mates down and the club you once claimed you loved and were proud to be a part of, with excuses like I'm not enjoying my football and I've lost interested.

I know its been a stop start season (which when you look at the two biggest casualties us and Hearts having played less than everyone suffering with there form) and I said this about the Sunday side before the cowards and idiots, let the side melt into nothing despite the work of Daisy and the hardcore players.

Now Just think, everyone who plays for this side says how great it is, Gary Boyd said last year the two times he'd enjoyed his football in his long career is with the mighty trowel and here at Pot Black. Also do you think you'll see your teammates regularly if we fold? weekends away? No boys that's it!!!! Let this team fold, and that is it! It might be nice now on a Saturday picking out new TV's for your new house etc but what about when in a years time, when she's crazing your tits saying board the loft out or paint the shed, and you can't even pop down the club to escape because your mates won't be there!

I assure you lads let this go and you'll always regret it! Now suck it up, get some bottle back, and more importantly stick together!

Words from the Retard 23-02-10

I don’t know how anyone else felt Saturday night but I felt a lot like Michael Jackson’s Dr, I had good intentions as I walked out on the field for the second half but things went badly wrong and before I knew it it was too late. Unlike Michael Jackson’s Dr there is no denying our cock up, we only have ourselves to blame.

It’s difficult to pin point where things went so wrong, in fact there probably isn’t enough pins to point even I wanted too. Unlike Darren, Gary doesn’t say a lot and as a result what he does say is often worth listening to! He summed it up perfectly after the game by saying "take a look at yourselves and ask is there anything more you could have done?" With that in mind I think it’s our obligation to do the one thing that is within our capability, something that we can personally do to make a difference.

There is a giant treadmill just outside your door and there are no excuses for not putting some running in. It sounds so obvious but being fit massively effects your game, Its up to you, we can continue to plod on through the season scraping victories and struggling when it counts or we can put a bit of effort in and reap the benefits of being in the best condition possible. Admittedly its not all down to fitness, I expect Paula Radcliff is shit at football but if you are fit it optimises your chances on the pitch so stick your runners on and put in a couple of half hour runs during the week, its really not that hard!

Its not all doom and gloom, with every cloud there is a silver lining, today I received a txt from the Messiah Mick Wall giving the go ahead for the PBFC poker night.. .. the man from PB, he say yes! I briefly mentioned what this night will involve but to recap;

Saturday the 20th March is PBFC poker night. This is a poker night for all levels of poker players, doesn’t matter if like me you have never played. We will be playing ‘Texas Hold em poker rules, what that means I have no idea but I am assured members of the Potblack Gamblers committee will be on hand to walk us through the rules and how to loose our money. Apparently it involves a pre flop, a flop and a river which if you ask me sounds like some sort of kinky sex game with Ross Jones involving water sports after consuming 10 pints of ale! All players signed on for Potblack are eligible – that does include those signed on for the now deceased Sunday side, however, you will not be allowed to play if you don’t have the PBFC poker attire, comedy wig and glasses!

Yep, you might be signed on, you might have some spondees burning a big hole in your pocket but no wig and specs and you don’t play! If your wondering what this might look like take a look at our very own Ross Molby Jones or Mick Wall .. .. That’s how you do it!

The evening will start at 7pm and even if you don’t want to play I suggest you come along and have a few beers as this could be hilarious. A prize will go to the player who can find the most hideous wig and glasses combination! As we have a team full of gamblers and part time alcoholics I expect a good turn out. Cheats, card counters and professionals will have root vegetables inserted into their orifices and whilst masturbating in the toilets will be frowned upon before 10pm its perfectly acceptable after this time. However, I must point out, under no circumstances are glasses allowed round the snooker table, that includes all forms of glasses, pints, half pints, shorts and possibly even sunglasses!!

The management accept no responsibility for the consequences of those stupid enough to show disregard for this rule. I once saw Wally tie someone up, gag them and remove his toe nails with a pair of pliers for placing his drink on the side of a table, enough said.

So get it pencilled in your diary and get saving as our very own ‘Rain Man’, namely moi is out to steal your money from under your very nose!

Pot Black Tour 4 (2010)

This statement has been produced by Crab Collins on behalf of the Retard as the only trusted advisor following the tragic mis hap on Dannys stag do.

I accept no liability for the content of this document.

Gentlemen the time has come to dust off the passport and sandals, wax the back sack and crack and grab your vest and speedos on as we take the PB tour bus into the sun. ( * another reason is that this warmer climate means less luggage, minimsing the loss to Robs wardrobe)

After exstensive research, some of which we visited to check that they are suitable for our needs, hence the crabs absence in recent weeks at football we have confirmed the following destination and dates.

Dates are- Thursday 27th May to Sunday 30th May 2010.

The location is- Ibiza.

We have priced many up and we believe for £210/£220 + Venga bus to airport we can get our trip in!we have based costings on 12 so please pay cash of £150 NON REFUNDABLE DEPOSIT to the retard by end of March!

No excuses, no cashy cashy no sunny sunny.

No major credit cards are accepted only cash cash cash or sexual favours.

We would love to see you all there so please cough up the dough and get your name on the list, Rob assures me that if you pay your name will go on the list this time but I will be assisting just to make sure.

Txt your interest to Rob or me and let the good times roll!!!!!